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Questions to ask yourselves before co-parenting
A list of subjects to discuss together, with nothing off limits, well before talking about a timeline.
Last updated: 10 October 2026
General information: this text constitutes neither legal nor medical advice.
Co-parenting means committing for many years with a person you have not necessarily chosen as a life partner. Taking the time to discuss the subjects below is the best way to find out whether your plans are truly compatible.
Each person's role
- How much day-to-day presence does each of you want? Equal, the main carer for one, more occasional for the other?
- Who takes the important decisions, and how: health, school, where the child lives?
- What role is there for each person's current or future partners, and for extended families?
Practical organisation
- One home, two homes close together, alternating care? What is the maximum distance between the places where you live?
- How will costs be shared, today and when circumstances change?
- What happens if one of you moves, changes job or meets someone?
Parenting values
- Education, the language or languages spoken at home, religion or no religion.
- Screens, food, daily routine: small subjects quickly become big ones.
- What you will tell the child about their story, and when.
Disagreements
- How do you usually handle conflict?
- Who will you turn to if you cannot reach agreement: family mediation, a parenting professional?
- What do you plan to do if one of you wants to withdraw from the project?
The legal framework
Each parent's rights and duties, the recognition of legal parenthood and the value of a written agreement depend on the country, on your situation and on how the child is conceived. A private agreement, however detailed, is not always enough and may not have the effects you imagine. Before taking any step, consult a family law professional in the country or countries concerned.
Taking your time
There is no rush. Several conversations, calls, meetings, sometimes a few months: that is the normal time it takes to know whether you can trust each other with such an important project. A person who respects your pace is already telling you something valuable.